One Piece at a Time

Legos were one of my absolute most favorite toys growing up. The nearly infinite combinations and arrangements and assortments of the vastly varied pieces lent to great creativity. I, also, grew up during the resurgence of the Lego Company during a time in which they licensed popular entertainment properties to make in their now famous sets. When you buy a new Lego set, they come readily packaged in numbered plastic pouches and with a handy, but easily lost booklet of assembly instructions. A step-by-step guide to building a completed masterpiece and, sometimes, creative projects that can be made from the same parts found in the set. 

The fun of Legos are that you have a completed project to work on. I would spend countless hours assembling sets, staging epic battles, and getting lost into my imagination. However, Legos also take up a great deal of space while assembled and so they had to be torn apart for storage. Even now, I have boxes upon boxes of thousands upon thousands of Lego bricks just thrown together. What I no longer have is the instructions to reassemble all the parts of the sets that I have. With enough time and sorting I may be able to assemble most of what I had… granted that the vacuum has more than likely claimed more parts than it would like to admit. The fun of Lego comes in the construction and the inevitable destruction. Part of the fun was building massive towers out of all the assorted bricks until it would reach the point of no return. Hundreds of bricks go flying everywhere with a loud, plastic-y crash and I’m left with a gleeful smile! 

The thing about Legos was that I never had to think about how to put something together. I always had the instruction manual close at hand to help guide me through the process until I was left with the finished product. Unlike Legos, we are not given a step-by-step instruction manual for life. Life is not packaged in conveniently sorted packages for each stage we inhabit. We do not all share one path in which we progress through life. Life is more akin to the box of assorted bricks, a smorgasbord of randomly, colorfully mixed parts. We each have a foundation in which to work with, but the end products end up looking vastly different from one another.

God has created very purposefully and intentionally. He knows exactly how He wants to assemble us, but God didn’t give us an instruction manual which tells us how to get a job, how to be a husband, to be a productive adult. Why? Because God has set each of us down different paths. For some of us, we are walking down similar paths. but they’re not carbon copies of the others. Some of us walk a rather isolated path in which we rub shoulders with few headed the same way. God did not give us a step-by-step guide on how to walk through life, but rather a book on how we should live! The Bible tells us who God is, why He created us, why He works the way that He does, and how we should strive to conduct ourselves.

Life is full of unexpected changes. Challenges that seem unachievable. Times of great success and of great difficulty. Through this God is not looking for us to have a plan on how to get through it but that we would be faithful to lean on Him for direction and instruction. Proverbs 16:9 states, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” We are very much free to plan our way through life but many of us are rigidly locked into our own perspective toward life. We, very arrogantly, go through life in a mindset of doing things our way. What inevitably happens is that we go head strong in the direction our hearts yearn for, and we reach the tipping point… and have no idea what to do. We stand on the precipice after pursuing what our hearts wish for in fear. 

Why is this a problem? Because the heart wanders and yearns for many things. It is constantly distracted by the superfluous. The heart focuses on what the best of what it wants while minimizing the issues. What the verse above reveals about us, is that we’re terrible at knowing what we want. If you’re like me (single, late twenties, etc.) then you’ll understand how you start wanting something that you don’t have, especially as your close friends are seemingly getting into relationships, getting engaged, and eventually married and you ask yourself why its not happening to you. In your heart, you desire to be in a relationship, but you aren’t seeing the full picture… but God is. The other half of the verse reveals something to us about God. That He is the one working in us and around us, guiding our steps, providing opportunities to be faithful to Him while we are where we are at.

God is the one laying bricks, constructing each of our paths. He is actively working around us (I’m hesitant to mention the flashing orange lights, orange “construction zone” signs, and orange safety vest…) preparing us for life. God is not asking us to do anything more than to be faithful to go where He leads. God is not interested in our own works, even our best Lego creations are rubbish to His work, but rather our hearts. Our attitudes.

So often in life, when things do not go as we please or had hoped for, we question God in frustration and exasperation. We, very selfishly, tell God that if He loved us, He’d do as we wanted. But God has told us, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand (John 13:7).” In the moment, as we’re looking at the half assembled parts of our lives, we doubt God. We question God. We are not satisfied with where we are at. We do not have the full picture. Obviously, we do not understand in the moment. We look in the mirror and cannot fully grasp what God is doing in our lives, but God reminds us that we will know later. 

I know that I can reflect back on my life and see where I’ve been disappointed by my circumstances. Where in the moment I was not given support to attend the colleges that I wanted out of high school, that I was not getting the degree that I wanted, that I was did not have a community to be apart of, that I was not progressing further in life… But I now have the benefit of looking back and seeing how God was moving for me good. Afterward, I understood. When the state colleges could only offer me loans for school, God provided a scholarship to attend an accredited Biblical college getting a degree in something that I had little to no interest in which is now something that I am passionately in love with! Being apart of a ministry that is both my home and mission field! God has provided much more than I could imagine. He’s building something far more extraordinary! 

I would be would be in the wrong if I did not recognize just how blessed I have been by God. Where my sense of timing seems right, God has provided when it was most needed, when I could no longer rely on myself and my own ability but on Him and Him alone! God isn’t seeking a carbon copy, molded people. He did not design us in the same way that Ikea cranks out its furniture. God created us uniquely and has a unique path for our lives. God is more interested in the state of our heart, our souls, and our minds than the state of our assembly process. 

That is why God gave us scripture. To reveal to us, not, how to get by in life, but how we ought to approach life. T0change the attitude of our hearts to match that of God’s! As we pursue God fully, meaning that we’ve laid our lives down at His feet and been born again, covered in the blood of Christ, we have a greater preparation for the road ahead. Our perspective changes from our here and now to that of God. We look at life through the lens of God through Scripture and prepare our hearts to respond accordingly. Once again, I will quote C.S. Lewis who said “Nothing you have not given away will ever really be yours (Mere Christianity).” God does not want part of us… He doesn’t just want our sin, our good deed, our church attendance, our love, our ideas, our hearts, our money… No, God wants every part of our being! It is only when we’ve laid down and given over every part of our lives to God that we understand the process that we’re going through.

I look back and see that I am no longer who I once was. My life looks less like it once had, and looks more and more like Jesus. My life has been transformed by God! The self-destructive, angry, resentful, hateful path I was once upon changed forever when I found Christ again at the end of my freshman year of high school! I was surrounded by people, whom God intended, to pour into my life, to walk alongside me as the abrasive, rough scales fell away, and to teach me the heart of Christ. I am truly, as I live and breathe, no longer the person that I was. I have been made new!

“Do you understand what I have done to you (John 13:12),” asked Christ to His disciples after washing their feet. He had made clear what His intentions were, though the disciples did not understand fully. Christ was preparing to die on the cross, to be a living sacrifice for the sins of you and I. Christ did cleanse us from the bondage and death of sin when He died on that cross and when He rose triumphantly from the grave! 

So as I stand amidst the scattered pieces of my life, the Lego bricks, I know that I do not need to fret. I have no need to worry, because God has a place for me. I do not need to worry about what piece goes where next, because God has already shown me that I can trust that He will take care of that. I just have to be faithful to follow where He leads. God is, piece by piece, building my life into what it ought to be. Removing that which is not needed and shaping, molding my heart to be more like His. Better yet, when the table starts to shake and the tower of plastic bricks start to tremble, I know that I have a solid foundation on which God has built my life. There will be no tearing down that which had already needed to go. I stand solidly upon God’s love!

Who You Say I Am

For as long as I can remember, I have relied solely upon my own intuition. My perspective has been centered on my wants, my desires, my willpower. I have wrestled with God for years over my life and His timing. I have tried to force my will into fruition to no avail and I have seen God work despite my shortcoming and stubborn refusal to wait. I lament that I am so incapable of letting go and fully surrendering my life to Him. I have been having what you might call an identity crisis and have had to step back from what I thought I knew. I wrestle with the shifting perspectives of my life. How I view my life and how God sees my life. Who am I? It is a question that I’ve asked myself on many occasions. Why am I the way that I am? Why am I where I am? Why has God withheld things from me? Who am I suppose to be? Why am I not there yet? Why am I here? What is my purpose? Who am I?

In the sake of honesty and transparency, I am terrible at relying on God. I hold onto my burdens and refuse to let them go. I rely on my own strength, my own mind, and my own abilities when God has asked me repeatedly to trust Him and to rest in who He is. I have known for many years now that my life was on a trajectory that was headed toward vocational ministry and God has recently provided the opportunity to step into that ministry. I am blown away and I am somewhat grieved because I have not believed that He would provide. Despite the numerous times that God has provided great things in my life I still doubt Him. I refuse to believe that God is good and that He has promised great things for me. Why am I so stubborn? Why am I such a failure? Honestly, I do not understand (though I do know and understand) why God is so good to me? I do not deserve anything. I am a mess and yet He still pursues me.

God views my life very differently than I have. I have not been able to glimpse what that is because I have refused to let go of what I have known. What am I to do? I am not lost, but I do not understand. At this time, I exist in a state of flux. I fight for what I want but then remember that I am not my own. I am convicted that I have become so attached to what expectations I have for my life that I have missed out on God’s blessings. I have had to ask God to tell me who I am.



You see, I am not done being molded. There are still areas of my life that need to disappear. I have habits that originate from a time when I was bullied, depressed, and hopeless. Typically they rear their head under the guise of self-deprecating humor but the truth hides within humor. I do not know why I do this or why it manifests in the way that it does. I guess that some pain and self-doubt is rooted in my life and that I doubt myself on nearly every occasion. I am thankful that a dear friend of mine has seen through this and that they are willing to call me out on it. Perhaps I am just scared to surrender. Scared to let people in. To let God in.

I am scared. I am uncertain. I see what God is doing in the lives of those around me and wish that I had what they do. I wish to have what God has not said not yet to. Why can I not be a more devoted follower? Why am I so scared to take risks? To put myself out there? Why am I scared to be used by God? I grieve for my inadequacies and that I am so unworthy of what God has done. As cliched as it may be, I’m letting go. I’m tired, y’all. Tired of fighting against God. Tired of the strive and struggle. I’m tired of resisting. It is so exhausting trying to make my will be done. That is not what God wishes for my life. Or your life for that matter. My identify is totally founded in God. He sent His Son to die on a tree of His own creation to be a sacrifice for my sins. He has invited you and I to join Him and has made a place for us to sit with Him. How amazing is that?

I must doubt my doubts and ask God to help my unbelief. He has done so much for my life and I am at fault for not recognizing it. God has invited me into His home and He calls me by name. What more could I ever need? What more could I ever know? God has told me who I am. I just need to be obedient. God has been so unbelievably good to me and I am grateful! Grateful for friends who call me out, who encourage me, who are hopeful for my future, who share in this time with me. I don’t deserve them, but God has surrounded me with them. He has a reason for our gathering. He has gathered us for a purpose. How can I not be grateful for that? So I take a step back and look at who God says that I am and seek His council. May I trust more fully and be devoted to Him greater.

Trust the Process

Living the dream. I just returned from a week of chaos, the Fourth of July, a friend’s surprise party, my first classes at Liberty University, and then leading at a student camp. I went into camp excited yet hesitant. I doubted my ability to leader, doubted God’s purpose for my being there, and what the future held for me. Through and through, I had reservations. The speaker for the week, took us on a study of Jospeh and how God used him in ways far beyond his expectations.  I was surprised, taken aback really, by how much this message impacted by our students and us, the leaders.


 

God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever

imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!

-Ephesians 3:20


 

I was shaken to my core by this camp and God made sure that I got the message loud and clear. This camp was pivotal in so many regards and it took me back to where I was over ten years ago as a freshman in high school. The first summer camp I attended after returning to the church was quite influential in my life that would set me down the path that I now walk. The focus of that camp was on being transformed. What would our lives look like if we embraced what we claimed to believe and sacrificed our lived to Christ? So this exploration of the life of Jospeh has presented itself as a springboard into this very topic once again. Now that I have an understanding and appreciation of the bigger and greater plans God has for my life. Recognizing that God’s plans are far better and bigger than our own, submitting ourselves to His work brings us to Romans 12.


 

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

-Romans 12:1-2


 

When I was getting ready to graduate from high school I thought that I would be going into education to become a teacher. When that did not work out I had no idea what was going to do. Through my experience just after I graduated and began seeking out where God was taking me, I felt my heart being tugged toward ministry, specifically toward student ministry. At the time I had no idea what that would look like or what it entailed. When I began to study at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary this became more clear and I began to serve alongside the students at my local church. During this camp, God really reaffirmed my calling to the ministry and that my doubts were unfounded. I felt or heard, like a faint whisper, ‘trust the process.’

I was convicted because I was not trusting God with my life and kept trying to force my way into things that I am/was not prepared for. My plans were on a different timeline than that of God’s and I was full of discontentment because they did not align with my desires. Anything area that God pointed out to me is that I still have work to do on myself. To hone my abilities and to be flexible, bendable in how I approach leading students. To be loving and gracious in how I engage with my students. I want to learn and to grow so that I may be a better leader to these students. I am still rough around the edges and have need of seeking out guidance and teachers of my own.

I know my calling is in ministry and God has only made it more and more clear to me. Trust the process. Recognize that He has something far greater and better planned that I do and that His timing is perfect. So, if I can impart anything to y’all through my experience, is to trust the process. Trust God with your life.

Grace and Peace,

Terren-It-Up

Insecurities, Uncertainties, and the Nature of Doubt

The week before last, I house sat for my parents while they took a trip to Amish country. The course of the week went as normal between work, rehearsal, and church all while battling a sinus infection. However, on a fateful Thursday, thing unravelled quickly. Earlier that day I had left work early because I was not well and came home to find the hallway covered in a shallow puddle of water emanating from under the bathroom wall. Yikes! In the process of going up to the attic to examine the air conditioning unit and water lines, I slipped off the wooden 2x4s that allow passage throughout the attic and my foot went through the ceiling of a closet. Ouch. I called my mother regarding this additional issue and got into a spat with my father. To say that I was furious is an understatement. To say I was livid does not begin to cover the breadth of my anger and disdain. Throughout the course of the next few hours, I had exchanged messages with my mother expressing both my anger and my hurt. I was wrong and I went too far. I crossed a line. In this happenstance, however, I knew immediately what had triggered my anger.

My dad, through this occurrence and unbeknownst to him, had stuck into some insecurities that I have regarding my life. This year, I will be far closer to thirty than I am to twenty. I have not completed my undergraduate degree, I still work in fast food, I still live at home, and have not had much luck getting a leg up in life. I’m, seemingly, still living the same life that I was just after high school. The majority of my peers average in between 19-22 which is not that far from my own age, but does place them in a different stage of life than my own. Not necessarily suggesting that they are immature or incapable of sharing some of the same intrinsic properties that are universal to our way of living here in America, but where I was at 18, 19, 20, and so on were vastly different from each other. Despite growing and taking on more responsibilities, more opportunities, I have not been able to overcome the plateau to be able to fully take care of myself free from the ties to my parents. I’m independent, yes, but I’m dependent on my parents none the less. Couple this with people my age who are getting married, starting families, buying homes, and so forth, where does that suggest about myself? What do they know that I don’t? Obviously, nothing. Their lives are not mine nor is their path my own. Being of both a retrospective and philosophic mind, I understand the principal differences in my path and the paths of others. Yet, I still seem to be contained to the contrived timeline of millennials as suggested by media.

I have a love hate relationship with social media and I constantly find myself at odds with it. In many ways, it is a great communication tool and I have legitimate needs for it. However, social media is a lie. A curated, mathematical, algerithmic display of what a company thinks I want to see. Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, etc all use algorithms to experiment and tweak our emotions. Movies, books, music all have this same issue. They are not true representations of life. They are stylized, romanticized, idealized representations of life. One of my favorite movies of recent is La La Land which the entire premise steams from setting up traditional expectations before subverting them. The tag for the movie, “Here’s to the fools who dream” reveals the subversion to the romanticized Hollywood representation of reality. Yet, even in its attempt of subverting our expectation, the movie is still dramatized, romanticized, and fictional. Yet, like La La Land, we are influenced by our entertainment. Having worked in a book store, I am not surprised by the sheer volume of trashy, poorly written romance novels targeted to women. They are in their essence entirely romanticized, sometimes erotic, works meant to sate our internal, often unexpressed desires. Thus I find myself at odds with myself. I have desires that extend beyond my current circumstances.

I am insecure about my future, about my prospects. These insecurities are fed by comparison, often conscious but regularly unconscious, to societies expectations. Do I meet up with the societal expectation that I should be established by this point? No. Am I living freely, selfishly with no regard to the status quo? No. Am I disinterested and disengaged? No. Yet, if we’re going by arbitrary status marks of success, then I do not match the norm. Have I completed a degree? No. Do I have a house/apartment? No. Do I have a sustainable job? No, not really. My point being that I’ve progressed personally, spiritually but I have not progressed in life. If that makes any sense. For example, there was a headline going around about a 30 year old who was evicted by his parents in upstate New York, while comical, it is a situation far too close to home for me. While I am not free loading and unproductive, I am still living at home. This person from the headline has been the butt of a good many jokes, but is a situation far from my own. The circumstances are very different and as such I do not compare myself to it. The reason I bring this up is to address that fact that I am, indeed, insecure about the future.

Insecurity in men is hardly addressed as compared to women. Going back to entertainment media, women’s insecurities are often played for jokes or for laughs. One example that comes to mind is the movie Mean Girls which features of myriad of jokes at the expense of women. Just as there a cultural expectations, societal expectations placed upon women, so too are expectations placed upon men. While I am no expert, looking at how men are portrayed in media over the last few decades reveal what society values in men. The 80’s were heavily set on macho men of action movies with the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and so forth. The 00’s swung the other way with men who embraced their more sensual side taking the forefront. Currently, men are represented in a war between both sides of the spectrum as culture seemingly debates what role men are too take. Setting aside conservative and liberal political agenda and perspectives, what am I to do? Who am I?

In this spat with my father, I broke down in tears that afternoon. Why? I cannot really explain. I do not believe that my tears were from anger, nor do I believe that them stemmed from sadness. I believe that they stemmed from defeat at the hands of insecurity. I sent my mother a text that conveyed, albeit in a much more hostile and explosive manner, some of the sentiments expressed here. These sentiments reveal some of my heart and my depravity and doubt in God. I also believe that the enemy, Satan, capitalized on my foot going through the ceiling and my father’s response to take my attention, my focus away from God. One statement that I made, which I will not repeat here because of my failings as a follower of Christ, expressed my displeasure for the life that I had been dealt. To paraphrase, I did not ask for this life. I did not ask for the things that life has dealt me, the trails and tribulations God has allowed so that I may rely on Him more. This statement, I believe, reveals my sinfulness because I, in that moment, rejected God and His sovereignty. I rejected God’s plan for my life because I thought that I knew better and deserved better. What I fool am I! Woe to me for my foolishness! Honestly, I doubted God and what for? He has provided plentifully and abundantly. By any approximation, my life has been good and is going great! Yet, in my broken heart, insecurity of the future has been harbored.

Therefore I find myself sitting here wrestling with my doubts of my doubts. Sometimes, I believe myself not good enough, handsome enough, kind enough. I doubt that I am worthy being loved. I doubt being able to finish school. To move out. To have an ‘adult’ job. To get married. To have a ministry. I doubt God. Honestly… and my heart and eyes are heavy writing this, I question how much faith I really have in God’s plan for my life. Why? Because I cannot see it. I am uncertain. Granted, I am not suggesting that I do not have faith in God or salvation through faith, but that if I had total control of every circumstance in my life that I would have done things very differently. I would choose the ideal path and not the necessary path. What does that say about me? What does that say about God? I really do trust God, in complete genuine faith, but at the very same time have doubts. How can this be?! How can I with one hand be fully vested in God’s will but with the other pick out specifics of where God is not meeting my expectations? Baffling does not begin to address this thought of comprehension. Who am I to tell God what is best for me? Who am I to be unsatisfied with what has been given?

I do not write this article, as difficult as it has been to express, for your sympathy or pity. Those I needn’t want or have. Yet, I am wise enough to realize that in my moment of brokenness that my anger and lashing out originated from my doubts, uncertainty, and insecurity. We all have doubts, insecurities about ourselves, our lives, and our futures. They are infinitely numerous among us all and they do, despite how much we might surprise them, affect the way in which we view our lives and how we seek to navigate them. Our insecurities, our fears cripple us if not kept in check. They seize us up and keep us from taking necessary risks, from putting ourselves out there, and are made of compromise.

I recognize that this post is vastly different from my many others and focuses in more on what may be seen as negatives. I write this because the Christian life is one of both positive and negatives. Of successes and of failures. The Christian walk is not easy and it is full of trials that we will navigate. Do know that all is well with me and that my life is one of good things on a good path. I have wonderful friends whom I consider family who keep me on the right path. I have mentors who challenge me to improve. I have challenges to overcome and brokenness that I need to address. While I do not have a solution to the matter addressed here, I write this because it is vitally important for believers to not mask or hide the struggles we face in our day to day lives. Sanctification is a process just as life is. The pursuit of righteousness, of holiness requires addressing the brokenness within us and understanding our total need for a savior who is Jesus Christ.

 

Grace and Peace,

Terren-It-Up

Finding Serenity: Peace

Y’all, this past week was phenomenal! Throughout the week God affirmed me in many different ways. Particularly and most noticeably through a friend at my college Bible study who simply paid me a much larger compliment than they knew. I was definitely standing on top of the mountain last week! Which brings us to tonight, I just sat down in my living room to watch my favorite baseball team after going for a stroll around my neighborhood. Where I would normally go walking with music I instead went without with the purpose of spending some time with God. As I began my walk I lifted up a prayer for some friends who have asked for it. One who’s currently working in Asia, one who’s preparing to head to the Middle East, one who’s family is experiencing loss, and then after I had raised my petitions on their behalf I told God that I’d stop talking to Him and talk the rest of the time to listen.

For Texas, it has been unseasonably cool and uncharacteristically overcast. The foggy, misty weather was more reminiscent of the Pacific-Northwest than of Texas. The sharp, deeply saturated greens of the plants contrasted nicely against the cool grey sky and slight mist falling through the air. Most curious, as I live in a neighborhood the is just adjacent from a major thoroughfare, was how quiet the world was. Not the eerie, artificial silence of scary movies but the tranquil quietness of a nature trail away from civilization. The absence of people, cars, and aircraft was noticeable. So as I walked, I just looked up to the sky, its blank canvas, and listened. I’m usually thinking about any myriad of topics with my internal dialogue. A ceaseless back and forth of analysis of situations, probabilities, and impossibilities. However, y’all, I was free of such internal squabbling.

Looking back over the last week, I was at peace with God, my circumstances, and the future. Honestly y’all, there is a ton of uncertainty in the air regarding my future. Today, I learned based on some changes coming to school that it would take me four more years (on top of the four I’ve already attended) to finish the last 33 credit hours of my degree. Yeah… No thank you! However, I have already begun to pray for the future and to cast out pieces of the puzzle to see where they land. I wholly trust God to carry me through all of this. Frankly, I have no idea what purpose it serves at this time but I know there is purpose in it. Some may find it odd, but I’m completely at ease! I have hope for the future; I am optimistic about where the Lord is leading! I have faith that God has good things in store for me!

I wait in eager expectation! Why? Because I’ve seen God move in my life over the last four years. I’ve seen the way God has grown my ministry and the ministry I’m apart of. I eagerly anticipate God to move ever further! To call me deeper into my purpose! So if it’s a job, a school, a wife, a whatever, I eagerly await God’s timing! Y’all, this is peace! Better yet, this is contentment! A full trust and foundation found in God! Psalms begins by making clear that blessed is the man who delights in the law of the Lord and that he is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in season, nor does its leaves wither (Psalm 1:1-3 (author paraphrase))! Being rooted in God’s plans and laws gives you and I have a foundation that can withstand the various seasons that come. We will not be withered down and wasted away by seasons of drought, nor will our fruits be lacking when the season of harvest comes! When we are rooted in the Lord we are completely secure! We are without worry! We can have peace!

This is what serenity is, a lacking of anxiety! There’s a reason that God’s peace is described as being beyond all understanding (Philippians 4:7), and that is because it defies our worldly logic! When we’re so busy being caught up with the every minute concern or doubt or fear that crosses our threshold we cause ourselves to suffer. We linger on the here and now because we it appears to be an insurmountable mountain. From our perspective that mountain of an issue appears beyond our capacity to handle, but God looks at it as the pebble that it is and beckons us to trust Him to get us over it, or around it, or through it. Y’all, we can have peace by trusting God with what He has given us. Did you know that God never gives us more than we can handle? Paul makes this abundantly clear to the church at Corinth who were caught up with political associations, the nature of the law, and the liberation found in Christ. Paul declares firmly that “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13).” We will have hardships, we will be tempted, and we will have to endure them. But God has given us the capability to endure all things! He has provided a means of getting through it all! We can find solace in this fact! That when we are founded in God, rooted in His commandments we have no reason to fear! We can have peace through every changing season!

I do not worry about what life I have, or what school I will finish my undergrad at, or who my wife will be, or how I will provide for myself. I trust God to provide all of these things in their due time according to His will. What need do I have in worrying about who to marry? If I am to be married, then she will be moving in the same direction toward God! Where I get my degree does not matter, what God has for me to learn is far more important. How I will provide for my needs is of little concern because I can do just about anything in and so long as I am willing to work for it. The point, y’all, is that we have absolutely no need to get worked up into panic and anxiety. If you are a believer of God, a follower of Christ then you are secure in the hand of God and no thing can ever take you away from Him! Do you believe that? Do you honestly, deeply believe that God has you in His hands? If the answer to that question is no, then perhaps you ought to take a moment to pause and ponder upon what you’re holding to so much that it’s robbing you of experiencing peace. I do not know what it is, nor do I need to. And to be completely fair, I’ve never been much of a worrier. I’ve never had an anxiety attack. So I may not be the best source, but I know that God calls for us to not be worriers! I know that God is sovereign and holds all of creation within reach and is actively involved within it.

Our God is awesome, y’all! Bigger than we can ever know, greater than we can comprehend, and glorious beyond anything we can imagine! Do not let something hold you back from experience the peace that can only be found with God. Embrace God fully and bask in the safety that God provides! I know just how much peace I’ve found recently by letting go and trusting God. While I may just be some guy on the internet to you, I hope that this encourages you. I hope that you may experience peace and tranquility in your life. As I continue forward into this new week, I hope that God continues the work that He’s begun in me and that you would allow Him to do the same in you!

 

Grace and Peace,

Terren-It-Up

The Path That Lies Ahead: Leaving the Ideal Behind

This past weekend, I was a leader for a discipleship weekend for students in our student ministry. During the weekend, somehow we got onto the topic of relationships and what not. One of my students began seeking some advice and wisdom on this topic, and the room went silent in disbelief when I told my students that I had no experience in that area. Yes, it is true. I’ve never ventured into the realm of romantic relationships. Up until a few years ago, I never saw any purpose in it. During high school, I definitely did not see any need for that kind of unnecessary pressure. My life at that time would not have allowed for any kind of beneficial gains from that pursuit. Why? I was not as wise or as smart as I thought of myself. Secondly, I would have stumbled and ultimately have fumbled through the minefield that is romantic relationships. That was then and this is now. Still, into my mid-twenties, I have not dated. I am not ashamed of this, rather I am grateful. Grateful to have been able to watch other’s as a spectator, to learn from other’s mistakes and to learn from people’s successes. To watch Godly people come together in a union that points back to the goodness of God. To have mentors who live by example to myself and the many people they’ve taken under their wings. Even now, while I expectantly wait for God’s infallible timing, I look to those who pour themselves out onto others. So what am I getting at? Well, Y’all, I’ll tell you.

In the last couple years, I’ve grown restless. I’ve been discontent with my circumstances and have tried to force my hand and my will into places where it is either not needed or not the right time. I’ve relied on my own power, I’ve existed in a place where I’ve not seen what God’s been doing around me or in me. I’ve blinded myself from seeing the bigger picture. I am not resentful for my situation, and in fact, my singleness is only a small fraction of my life. I do not have remorse for not having dated or married. Yet, I see where I’ve failed to live up to the standard that Christ has called me to. Y’all, let’s be honest for a moment. I’m quite the idealist. Ideally, I would have been done with college by this point in time. I would have my own home. I’d have my own ministry to lead. I’d have my life together. Ideally. The problem is that my idea of what is ideal is flawed. Lacking the clarity found when examining the bigger picture. My perception of my life is singularly through my own lens. I’ve not had the sight that Christ has, nor the intuition to look beyond my circumstances.

I was continuing to read Ben Stuart’s Single. Dating. Engaged. Married. of which I’ve only managed to get a handful of more pages into before being convicted by the Holy Spirit (again). Y’all, this hurts in the right kind of why. While I have sought what I have found to be the ideal, I’ve not truly learned to value that which has the upmost importance and significance. I’ve not learned to fully trust God with my life and to find myself accepting the fullness and extent of his love. In an ideal world, Adam would have stopped Eve from eating of the fruit. In an ideal world, we would not know sickness or death. We would live in harmony with God in his creation. We would not feel the depravity of sin. We would not experience shame or guilt. We would be lacking nothing. However, because Adam stood by and did nothing as Eve was deceived by the snake, we have fallen into an unideal world. We experience pain, hurt, sickness, and death. We feel isolation, separation, and desperation. Why? Because we lack God. We’ve separated ourselves from the purpose of creation. By now, y’all are probably asking where my singleness comes into correlation with the ideal world. Well, I’m not entirely sure. Yet, I know that I’m lacking in so much.

My shortsightedness in regards to my life have put me into the perspective of comparison, at least in the recent past. The majority of people I graduated high school with have already completed college. A good handful have already completed their master’s degree. Some have married and have children. Others have bought homes. Some have started businesses. Others I have no idea. Yet, here I am. Still living in the same town, in the same house, staring at the same four walls. I’ve been restlessly trying to claw myself out of a pit that only I see. Only I feel that I’ve lagged behind the pack. That I’ve wasted time or lost opportunity. The truth is that I have not lost anything. I’ve just not learned to trust God. To see the things the way he does. What’s my hurry? Why am I so dedicated to make my life out to be the way I want? Why do I neglect my God who is so full of love and grace and mercy and incomprehensible?

The reason for my singleness, the reason for my circumstances at this stage of life is not, and hear my words carefully y’all, to punish me. God is not denying me something or holding something back. God is not toying with me or teasing me. God is not malicious. God wants me to value and appreciate what is best for me. That means trusting that what he has in store for my life is greater than what I have envisioned. Frankly, God’s plans are always far, far better than you or I could ever imagine. If I’m going to be honest, God’s given me a great many things that have assisted in forming me into a better and better man. I have a community of college students who pour into my life, who share in life together. I have a ministry of students whom I lead and serve. I have not one, but many job opportunities. From Chick-fil-A to my media contracting to the various odd and ends. I have an abundance of opportunity. I have an education that has not only given me a thorough understanding of theology but also a desire to apply scripture to my life. I have been blessed in countless ways, and I am not always grateful. So in the moment, the things we want and desire may not be what are best for us. They may not be beneficial. However, the things God has in store for us are always the best. Why? Because God has a plan and a purpose for our lives. He knows what is best for us. His best is exceedingly better than what ever idealistic, romanticized version of my life that I can come up with.

So, as I wait, I am expectant. Expectant that God will do big things. That he will use me to further his kingdom. That he will use my circumstances to bring other’s into his flock. That my life will be of engaged and intentional purpose. That he will exceed my wants and desires in such a way that it points back to his grace and mercy and goodness. So my singleness or lack of experience is not a detriment. It is not something of shame. It is not something being denied or held from me. Rather, it is a time for me to be exceedingly intentional in pursuing God. For him to be my sole focus, my sole desire. That I may not want or worry about what lies around the bend in the river, the fork in the road. But that my faithfulness would increasing abundantly. That my trust in him would be so blind that when he say go, that I would go without hesitation. My singleness, then, is not so single. My singleness is being bonded to God, pursuing his will. He and he alone is my source of life so that I may be a source of life to another. So whatever God in store for my life, whether it is here where I am or halfway around the world. I will be faithful. I will be trusting. I will go without question. I will go without hesitation. The path that lies ahead is one that I do not know, but is one that I will walk with blind trust.

Perhaps, when God says the time is right, I will meet the woman who will exceed my flawed perceptions but will be the one God intended all along. Perhaps, when God says the time is right, I will finish school and begin to follow God into the next stage of life. Perhaps, when God says the time is right, I will have a job that is not a job, but is a ministry. In the meanwhile, I can only be expectant of God to do big things. Both in my life and in this world. I must have faith. I must have trust. I must remind myself that what I want in the moment may not be what is best or appropriate, but rather a hindrance and a distraction. May you and you along, God, be the eyes in which I see life.

 

Grace and Peace,

Terren-It-Up